then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
