4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
