I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
two words...techno handjob
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
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