Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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