I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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