you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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