I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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