Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
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