i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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