he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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