Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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