Heybabeimwearingurpanties
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
