Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
