as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
