Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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