sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
