This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
