You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
