thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
