I can't watch pbs sober anymore
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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