i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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