Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
