have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
