Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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