Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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