Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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