I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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