mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
