question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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