yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
