You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
