I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
