seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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