I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
