i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
