we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
