My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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