I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
