happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
