You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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