i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My liver just had a heart attack.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
