my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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