This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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