I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My dick has a subreddit
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
