Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
