I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
whose parrot is this?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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