now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I checked into jail on foursquare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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