I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
