Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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