if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
