And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
