Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
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I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
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My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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