Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
