i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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