I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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