at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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