I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
