Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
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