The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
