im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
