What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
