Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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