i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
