I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i love accidental penises.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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