We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
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I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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